Monday, December 16, 2013

First Post

My name is John Bailey, and I am bisexual. Well, that's not entirely true. John Bailey is not my real name, and I might not even be bisexual, so, right now, you know almost nothing about me. Let me explain further.

I am very attracted to men. I would say 90/10 in favor of guys. I have also had a long term girlfriend, and I was sexually attracted to her. It is my dream to marry a woman in the temple, and to start a family with her, the traditional LDS life, with a dog, some kids, and a white picket fence. When I am being completely honest with myself though, I fear that I am-buried deep down-completely and totally gay; I just dont want to admit it. Keeping that (sort of) straight window open is my way of keeping the snow off of the road to my miracle, and my white picket fence. Either way, I am conflicted, and trying to figure out who I am.

Now for my name. I feel that I need to be completely honest with myself, and with all of you. Sure I am ashamed of many things I have done, but my pseudonym goes much deeper than that. I am starting this blog in order to draw attention to all of the struggles the LGBT community at BYU (And in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints as a whole) is faced with. I do not want any attention for myself. Furthermore, I feel that any pity, concern, or heartbreak felt for me will diminish the impact of my words on your views of the Community I belong to. In short, this blog is not for me, but for you, and for the Mormon LGBT community.

So, welcome to my blog. I will be posting as often as time and inspiration allow. I hope somehow my words and experiences will be able to help someone. I am going to bear my soul, and press forward wherever this life leads me.

With hope,

John Bailey